


In Days Gone By

by IMeMyandMine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Disabled Character, M/M, Post-High School, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6333745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMeMyandMine/pseuds/IMeMyandMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo's journey after getting out of an abusive relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Days Gone By

**Author's Note:**

> X-Posted on AFF

_Dear Mr. Baekhyun Byun_

  
_We are sending you this package of letters per request of Kyungsoo Do, our son. In his suicide note he mentioned that you would be the only one able to read his journals. We went ahead and read it. We as his parents want you to know what you’ve put him through. We know your sentence will be over in a couple of years. But for now read this and realize what you’ve done. I hope you rot in hell._

_Sincerely,_

_Mr. & Mrs Do._

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 395,**

  
I dreamt about you every night this week. It was less like a dream and more of just a memory. It’s always the day when they took you away. It's when you came at me. When I tried getting away but you didn't want to let me go. I always woke up in a cold sweat and on the verge of a panic attack. My body would start shaking and everything seemed to be out of place. I wasn’t myself. I was just some guy with no name that I had passed on the street. Once I controlled my breathing everything was okay again. You weren’t there in bed next to me. And I was okay and away from you. You were no longer there lurking over me; making sure that I hadn’t left. You couldn’t do that even if you wanted to. I made sure of it.

  
Every week without you has seemed so bright and promising. I’m free of your grasp. A couple weeks after you left the bruises started fading and I couldn’t even remember what my body looked like without them. But in a way I miss you. I miss you when I want someone to talk to because you scared everyone else off so now I’m alone. These moments are becoming less and less as I slowly start to reach out towards others. Some people still don’t want to talk to me and I sort of understand. It’s been a year since you've been gone and people are still scared to talk to me. What exactly did you tell them?

  
In the past week since I’ve dreamt of you, you’ve crawled into my thoughts even more. But I don’t necessarily remember all of the times you beat me or mistreated me. I always just remember the good times. I remember those nights that you would hold me close and tell me that you loved me or the moments in which I would catch you in the mornings making coffee and you'd ask me if I wanted a cup. I remember one morning in particular. It was in our second year of being together, I woke up and saw you getting out of bed and when I followed you; you turned to me and enveloped me in your arms, and told me how beautiful I was. You held me close and raked your fingers in my hair before kissing me and pulling away to finish with your coffee. I never want to remember the bad times even if they took up most of our relationship. I recognize that they happened and now I see that what we had wasn’t healthy but I still find myself with a lingering feeling of regret for what I did. I remember you bringing me flowers after an especially brutal night. You’d say sorry and I wouldn't let you because I felt as if it was my fault. I was the one that got you angry, I was the one that continued to ask for more attention when you had already said that you’d had enough. Sometimes I still think everything was my fault.

 

 

**Day 405,**

  
I’ve seen a therapist a couple of times. She told me to write in a diary. She said it would help. So far it’s helped a little. I’ve read some of the earlier entries and I was still so in love with you. I was still within your control. I felt like having you taken away from me was the biggest mistake I’d done. I wanted you back so bad but then I read more and I realized that I was growing. I no longer needed your shelter, I didn’t need your lies. But those times of growing were also the most painful, because I tried to justify your actions. My chest ached terribly because I would try and keep looking for the good in you no matter how much you'd hurt me previously. In those entries I still thought that you loved me dearly and that everything was my fault.

  
My mom’s been by my side all this time and I don’t know if I’d be here if it wasn’t for her. Everyone else left me and she still stayed by my side. She was outcasted by her friends first for having a gay son and then even more so when he turned out to be prissy little bitch. Sometimes I wonder why she didn’t abandon me like everyone else. The only thing I come up with is that she’s my mother and she's obligated to stay by my side no matter what. My dad’s a different story. You know that. You were there when he left. He left when I first moved back in. He said he didn't want to deal with me and that he was still my dad but he just didn't want to see me at the time. But he came home after about a month since I'd moved back in. It seams like he’s forgiven me. He says he won’t forgive you though.

 

 

**Day 408,**

  
Dad tries to take me out and go to movies and restaurants to make up for lost time. But I see that sometimes he’s still uncomfortable with me being gay. I can see it when we’re alone. I see how he pulls back and how he never meets my eye. Sometimes it hurts but other times I remember that at least he came back and didn’t abandon me completely.

 

 

**Day 415,**

  
A few days ago I bumped into a corner and got a bruise on my hip and as I stood in the bathroom waiting for the shower to heat up I remembered you. I felt around the bruise and slowly made my way inwards. Then once I got to the center I pressed down as hard as I could until tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. I didn't stop though, I kept my finger there and I let myself remember you. I let myself go and I gave myself to you once again. But when I let go you weren’t there and that’s the part that I like. You’re only here when I want you to be. You’re only here when I allow you to be here.

 

 

**Day 423,**

  
I talk to Yixing on occasion. You remember him, don’t you? He was my best friend before you came into my life. He’s the first one you made leave. I called him and he didn’t pick up the first time but I kept calling and he finally answered. When I explained to him what had happened he said something that bothered me so much.

  
“Why didn’t you just leave after he beat you the first time?”

  
I realized that no matter what, no one else knew exactly what went on aside from us. No matter how many people I’ve told and how many times I’ve explained to them that it’s not that simple. They just let out a sigh and look at me like I’m stupid. Yixing’s words were the exact same, only they hurt so much more because he’d told me about you ahead of time. He told me that you were no good for me and that I should stay away. But I didn’t listen to him and even when we started going out he still told me to leave you. I thought he was just jealous because we were eighteen and you were twenty-two and you were the hottest person ever, in our eyes at least. With your tall, lean frame and your silver colored hair. You radiated confidence and that made us want you so bad. You made yourself up to be the perfect guy that anyone would fall for. But when I didn’t leave you Yixing took it upon himself and he left me. He said he didn’t want to be there when it got bad. I remember scoffing at him and letting him walk away. I shouldn't have done that. I should have listened to him and left you. I should have listened to my best friend instead of a boyfriend of 3 months.

 

 

**Day 429,**  
Today I went to Cafe Seoul, you remember the one that we used to always go to when we first started dating, the one where you can write whatever you want on the walls. I went there by myself and I was going to get my coffee to go but then I saw our table and no one was in it so I asked for it to be dine in. I sat at our table and I could almost feel you. I could almost feel you next to me and the weight of your arms around my waist. I stayed for a while as I read what everyone wrote on the walls. But then I came across what you wrote

♥️Baekhyun B. + Kyungsoo D♥️

When I saw that my body went cold and my hand froze as it traced over our names. I don't remember you ever writing that. I know it was you who wrote it because it was your handwriting - clean lines and almost stamped into the wall. 

 

 

**Day 431,**

    It’s been 61 weeks and 3 days, since you’ve been gone. I went to the hairdressers today. I had my hair colored brown. You know that  dark caramel color that I wanted when we first got together. You didn’t want me to change it because you said you liked my black hair. I’ve had my hair black all these years because of you and now I finally get to change it. When I got home I looked into the mirror and I didn’t see me, I saw a guy who was sort of happy and I saw someone who was kind of sad. Which in a way is exactly who I am. I’m happy at times but other times I find my mind wondering off and thinking of what my parents would be like if they had a different child. If they would be happier or if they’d end up even more miserable than they are. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I did listen to Yixing and stayed away from you. Would I be happy? Or would I be equally as fucked up as I am now. Or even worse, would I be somewhere buried six feet under?

    Sometimes I find myself trying my best to think of happy things and happy moments in my life but I find that I can’t think of anything aside from you. And sometimes I think that I shouldn’t be thinking about you so much. I bet you don’t even think of me anymore. But maybe you can't really forget me, not after taking your walking ability away. You did move on really fast from your past relationships. You never stuck around. You just let people fall in love then ripped them to shreds. At times I would think about it and I wondered why you took so long with me. I guess all you did was take a little extra time breaking me than you did with everyone else.  Sometimes I wonder if you really did love me. You never spent more than a year with someone but you spent a little over four years with me and when I think of that I think that you really loved me at one point but it went away. And I hate you for spending so much time with me. Now, I wish you have broken up with me so much sooner. Maybe then I wouldn't be as hurt as I am now. 

 

 

**Day 462,**

    It’s been a month since I last wrote in this and I can’t help but feel happy that I’m starting to see that I don’t have to be thinking of you so often. You did cross my mind a few times but not long enough for me to write to you. I went to a bar with some friends and I saw someone that looked like you. I started panicking a little but then one of my friends saw what was happening and took me outside. When we went back inside he was no longer there and everything was okay again. It obviously wasn’t you, he was walking.

 

 

**Day 468,**

     I went out with a couple of friends again. We had some drinks and we went out to a karaoke bar. I found myself missing you. Joonmyun sang your favorite song. I guess I didn’t look as sick as I felt because no one said anything. But the moment the melody  to  _There Is A Light That Never Goes Out_  started I felt sick to my stomach and I felt like I was gonna throw up at any moment. Once the song finished I only felt sightly ill and a little dizzy but I thought it might have just been the mixture of drinks and not having eaten anything beforehand. A couple of Joonmyun’s friends showed up halfway through our time and the room became too small to hold all of us.  It was cramped and sweaty but it was fun. Everyone was drinking and I was having fun for once. I didn't think of you aside from the song and thinking about it now makes me happy because I've realized that I don't really think of you as much as I used to.

    I came home late that night. Mom was waiting up for me and when she saw that I got home drunk and laughing at little things she smiled at me and told me to get some sleep. I didn’t notice right away but life’s gotten a lot better. Mom’s happier and dad looks at me like I’m his son again. It’s almost like we never happened and everything was okay. But you did happen and I still think of you on occasion - obviously, since I still write so many entries dedicated to you.

 

 

**Day 473,**

 

    I don't know what happened. I went to the movies and it was an action movie but I felt really sad. I guess it's because you used to always pick action movies when we had our movie days. I was fine when I walked in but when I was siting there by myself I found the darkness creeping in on me and I just couldn't stop it. I made myself sit through the movie, I really wanted to see it - even if it reminded me of you but I powered through it and enjoyed some parts of it. And the moment I walked out I was okay. I could breathe just fine and I didn't feel any sort of sadness, I was just kind of ... empty.

 

 

**Day 494,**

 

    One of Joonmyun’s friends asked me out on a date. At first I was so scared. I was scared that he was going to be just like you. I told mom about it and she told me to give him a chance. Maybe a week or so passed before I actually said, “Yes". We went out and had dinner and then we walked around the shopping center for a while before we finally decided it was time to go home. He made sure I got home safe by walking me home even Though he lived on the other side of town. We stood outside of the complex for a bit just talking before he took hold of my hand and laced our fingers together. He said my hands looked cold but that’s not possible since it’s July and the coldest it gets at night is 75 degrees. I liked spending time with him. He reminded me a lot of you  because  he treats  me like I'm  the most important person ever. Do you remember when you used to treat me like that? Because I do and every time it crosses my mind I find myself smiling at the memory.  I remember how you used to be before our relationship went bad. I remember you showed up one time at my job at the ice cream parlor  and you brought me flowers for no reason. These little memories of you keep popping up whenever I leave the house. And sometimes I feel horrible but other times they bring a sense of comfort and warmths to me. 

    After our first date, we went out again the next weekend and I couldn’t help but feel butterflies. I was so excited yet so nervous. He reminds me too much of you, but I know he’s not you and I know that he won’t do what you did. I know he won’t hurt me. I won’t let him. Because this time I know when it’s too much. I promise … I won’t be blinded again.

  

 

**Day 504,**

    Minseok took me to the arcade in downtown and he was so good to me. He won a stuffed animal in one of those claw machines and he gave it to me. He held my hand at every chance he got and I let him because it felt nice. I really like him and I think that he really likes me. 

 

  

**Day 509,**

    I went to the grocery store and when I was picking up some candy I felt someone hug me. And for a moment I got really scared but then I heard Minseok's laugh and I was all better. He hugged me and we talked for a little while before his little brother came barreling into the aisle asking Minseok to buy him a pack of gummy bears.  He introduced me to his little brother, Jongin who's only 9. What I didn't expect was for Jongin to know who I was. He came over to me and motioned for me to get down to his level before whispering in my ear.

    "Minseok really likes you. He's really gross about it too."

    He pulled away and motioned me to keep it a secret between just us but I couldn't keep a smile from appearing. Minseok just looked at us, nervousness written all over his face. Jongin walked away to go back to where ever he came from and Minseok and I just stood there looking at one another. 

    He took hold of my hand and said he's accompany me while in the store. He's really sweet and loving but I always find myself comparing him to Baekhyun. I'm still scared that things can go bad. But I'm okay for now and Minseok is pretty perfect.  

 

 

**Day 515,**

    Minseok took me to the park. He said he just wanted to talk today and we did just that. We walked around the park, god knows how many times. But we talked and talked and I got to know so much about him. And I let him in on some of my own secrets. But I kept Baekhyun out. I told him a lot about high school. We walked for a good three hours before we left. We walked towards the liquor store nearby where he bought us some water. We walked aimlessly around the city until the sun began to set. He walked me home and like our first date he took hold of my hand as we stood there; only this time he didn't need an excuse to hold it. 

    He kissed me. It was warm and kind of awkward.  It was nice though. I felt the same thing that I did when I was with Baekhyun. When I went inside I felt my heart racing and it made me start thinking of Baekhyun. I felt so happy but also kind of sick because everything that Minseok does reminds me Baekhyun and I can't really move on from him. 

 

 

**Day 520,**

    I think I might end up really liking Minseok. He makes me feel happy. He makes me feel the way you did. I always wait for him to call me, I never call him though. I don't want to bother him. 

 

 

**Day 531,**

    Minseok and I met up with Joonmyun and Yixing today and we went to the movies. Joonmyun and Yixing sat together while Minseok and I sat a few seats away from them. Minseok held my hand the entire time and it got hot and kind of clammy but in away it was nice because I felt him drawing invisible designs on the back of my hand with his thumb. I remember leaning my head against his shoulder at one point and he wrapped his arm around me with our hands still connected. I don't think I felt my heart race in excitement in a while and I don't really mind it.

 

 

 

**Day 539,**

    I'm so incredibly happy. Minseok called me his boyfriend in front of other people.  We went out to a bar and it was a couples night for some reason but Minseok held me by my waist and every time someone tried talking to me he would pull me in closer towards him.  Towards the end of the night a guy with this really stupid shirt on came over and tried talking to me but I didn't want to talk to him and I was trying to get away from him but he wouldn't leave me alone. Minseok had gone to get us another drink but when he came back he gave me my drink before pulling me away and told the guy to leave his boyfriend alone. And I couldn't be any happier. I was so happy for the rest of the night and I just clung to him like nothing mattered. I went home with him. I was kind of scared but he made me feel like everything was going to be all right. 

 

 

**Day 548,**

    I gave myself to him. I was so scared the entire time and I was afraid that he was going to hurt me but he didn't. He made me feel like I was important and that making me feel good was important instead of me just helping him get off.  Baekhyun was the same way. When we first had sex he always made me feel like I mattered and almost worshiped my body constantly leaving territorial Kyungsoos that proved I was his. He'd always leave hickey's lining my neck and shoulders. 

 

 

**Day 552,**

    I think I love him.

 

 

**Day 554,**

    I can't forget Baekhyun. He's constantly appearing. Everywhere Minseok takes me there's a memory of Baekhyun. And sometimes it's too much to bear and I have to ask to leave. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be able to go somewhere and not be constantly reminded of Baekhyun because it makes me miss him.

 

 

**Day 560,**

    I don't know what happened I just can't stop smiling all the time. I feel so free sometimes. Minseok really has made me so incredibly happy and I don't even know why I was hesitant to start dating him. I really missed this feeling. 

    I still can't believe how lucky I am to have him. I look at him and he’s perfect. He's almost as tall as Baekhyun but his hair is a dark brown instead of a silvery color. He's so different from Baekhyun but still so alike. And he kind of reminds me of Baekhyun in a lot of ways.

 

 

**Day 565,**

    I went to the store and I saw Baekhyun's mom. She saw me. I know she did. She looked at me and then turned around. But she came back. She didn't really say anything to me; she just hugged me and patted my back asking me if I was okay. I felt a smile tug at my lips because no matter what she stood by my side and wanted for things between me and Baekhyun to work out. She was always really sweet and supportive of our relationship. She didn't realize what was actually happening until her son was in court and I was the one going up against him. 

    I felt kind of sad seeing her but I also felt some sort of anger building up in the short time that I saw her. Mainly because after the trail she looked at me like I'd killed her son. And that everything that was happening was my fault.

 

 

**Day 572,**

    I don't really know what’s happening. Sometimes I feel sad and kind of hollow and then other times I fell so alive. I have my moments where I'll just sit at home and stare at a wall until someone gets home and acknowledges me. And other days I wake up and I clean the whole apartment and want to get up and run around and do everything. My favorite days though, are the days where I get up and I don't feel sad but I also don't feel extremely happy. It's  those days that if I want to get up I will and if I want to lay in bed and go through apps on my phone I can. Those are the best days because I feel a little bit like myself; I don't really know who that is but he peeks out sometimes. 

 

 

**Day 578,**

    He hit me. When his hand came in contact with my face I retreated back to who I was when I was with Baekhyun. I didn't fight back. I just stood there and took it. I felt the tears begin to pool but I held them back. Right after he hit me he looked so scared, almost as if I was the one to hit him. 

    I don't even remember why he hit me. It just happened. Jongin was with us and we where all just hanging out in their living room and I don't  know what I said but the next think I knew his face flared with anger and he smacked me across the face. Jongin looked between us and for the first time he sided with me. He pulled me up from the floor and guided me to his room. He left me to sit on his bed while he ran back out into the living room and then into the kitchen. He brought back an icepack and placed it on my cheek. He looked so scared and he sat next to me trying to comfort me and trying to make up excuses for as to why Minseok had hit me.

    I didn't think much of it. I was used to it.

 

 

**Day 581,**

    He apologized. He came to my house and he said he wasn't leaving until I accepted his apology. He bought me flowers and he bought me that teddy bear that I had been looking at when we went to the mall. I told him it was okay and that it was nothing. It was probably my fault anyway.  

    He spent the night and I was so happy to have him back.  We cuddled until we fell asleep. It was almost exactly like when Baekhyun and I made up. He'd apologize with a gift and kiss all the bruises and cuts to make them better. Then he'd hold me until we were okay again. It was always the same thing but it always made things better and I thought that it made our relationship stronger.  

 

 

**Day 583,**

    I picked Jongin up from school today because Minseok was working and his parents had been out of town for some reason. When I picked him up he asked me of I was okay. I didn't really understand at first but then I realized he wasn't really talking about the slight bruise that had appeared on my cheek, he was talking about if I was emotionally okay. I told him I was fine but it looked like he didn't' really believe me. 

    I took him out for ice cream before heading home and that seemed to distract him as I continued to ask him about school and his friends. I waited  with him for Minseok to come home as  we worked on his homework and when Minseok did get home he seemed really distant and we didn't really talk. Jongin had gone into his room and that's when Minseok and I finally talked. He asked me  if we were okay. He kept apologizing and said that he had been having a bad week and I had said something that kind of set him off. He promised it wouldn't happen again. 

    Again I told him it was okay. But this time it slipped out when I told him I was used to it. 

    He looked at me for a while without really saying anything. I told him I didn't want to talk about it. He said it was okay and that he'd wait for me to tell him. He made it seem like I was going to run away the moment I told him so he held me as close to him as possible. For a second, it was almost like I could feel his heart beating against mine. They were in sync, but they were both so terrified. 

 

 

**Day 598,**

    I told Minseok about Baekhyun. At first he was okay with it. He continued to be supportive like he had been a couple days beforehand. He said he was going to stay with me no matter what.   But when I started to tell him that he reminded me so much of Baekhyun, he just got quiet. When I asked him why he wasn't saying anything he told me that he already knew about me and Baekhyun. He said that he was friends with Baekhyun for a part of our relationship. Joonmhyun told him about what happened afterwards and how you came after me when I tried breaking up with you. He knew that I was broken and that you did this to me but he didn't say anything. He just let our relationship continue. But he seemed to get angrier and sadder at the same time. He didn't want to remind me of you. He wanted to be the one who put me back together. He told me that he loved me but he couldn't be with me if all I ever thought of was you. And he walked away from me. 

    He had promised to be there for me as a friend if I need it but he still left. He left me crying in the living room and I don't even know how long it was before my mom came home; when she tried to make me feel better it didn't help. 

    Dad sat next to me and he put his arm around me as he tried to console me but it didn't work. I stopped crying when I fell asleep. When I woke up mom wasn't there anymore, but dad was. He was there with me on his lap. His hand was tangled in my hair as if he had been running them through my hair. When I moved he stirred awake and he looked down to me and smiled. He said everything was going to be okay. And for a moment I thought it was.

 

 

**Day 602,**

    I miss you. I miss my best friend. I miss seeing you. I hate how I made you leave. You were the only one who actually cared. You understood me. And I just really want to see you. I hope I can see you. I don’t think the prison will let me see you. Not with the restraining order. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for having you put away. I want to take it back so badly. 

    Why was I so stupid? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut and continue to love you.  My moment of weakness made my life hell. I promise I’ll be good, just please come back.  Please!

 

 

**Day 604,**    

    I don’t know what happened. I guess I had a moment of weakness. I guess I just felt alone. I wanted to get out of the house but everyone was busy so I felt like you were my only option. I had a panic attack not long after I wrote to you. Mom found me huddled in the corner of the kitchen rocking back and forth. I blanked out so I don’t remember any of it. She said I was covered in sweat and  I kept muttering that my heart was going to explode. After exceptionally bad episodes I can’t remember anything that’s happened. I still don’t remember writing to you. If  I had put the diary away I might have never known.

 

 

**Day 609,**

    Everything’s getting bad again. I don’t feel like myself. The medicine isn’t working anymore. I’ve started cutting again. I  remember how angry you were when you found out. You got mad that I was Kyungsooing my skin. You said you didn't want to look at my thighs anymore. They weren't perfect anymore. I ruined them. I was permanently Kyungsooing my skin but I didn't understand what you were doing. When I asked, you simply said that you were decorating it. And I got so upset because I had ruined them, I ruined something you loved and put so much effort into making perfect.

    I don’t know who was wrong anymore. I don’t know if you were wrong for treating me the way you did or if I was wrong for staying. I don’t know. I just want to go back to being seventeen and being stupid and not having a care in the world. I want to go back and have my clothes be some of the biggest issues that I have. I want to go back to a time where you weren’t a part of my life. I want to be happy again. I really do. But you wont let me. You're gone but you've lingered on for so long. I don’t want to fake it anymore.  I just want you to disappear . But I know that it’ll never happen. And I really don't know if I can be happy. One of us is going to have to be gone permanently. And at this point it feels like it'll be me. 

 

 

**Day 611,**

today i woke up and felt like dying

nothing serious or anything i was just so tired

and i didn’t want to be troubled with the idea

of waking up again and again to a pointless life…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Day 672,**

 

**WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!!?**

**I HATE MYSELF**

**I’M A FUCKING LOSER!**

**AND I’M SO SORRY  I’M SO FUCKING SORRY**

**MOM SAID THE PILLS WOULD HELP. SHE SAID I’D BE OKAY AGAIN.**

**BUT NOTHING’S HELPING AND EVEN I KNOW I’M TOO FAR GONE.**

 

**i’m sorry.**

 

**i love you i really do.**

 

 

 

 

 

**Day 673, 4:32 AM**

Bye. 

 

 

 

 

    When Baekhyun received the bundle of journals he didn't know what to think. The prison guard dropped it off with his meal in the morning and he hadn't said anything. He ate his breakfast before reaching over to his bed where he had placed the journals and opened up the first one. The letter from Kyungsoo’s parents fell out and he read it over. His grip on the letter tightened and he felt his heart start to beat faster. He grabbed hold of the journals and he began to read the first one. He went through every entry, one by one reading them carefully trying to picture Kyungsoo writing in his journals.

    He hadn't realized how long he'd been reading until his cell door opened and he was escorted out for his time in the yard. He left the journals under his pillow and flipped to Kyungsoo writing about Minseok and their relationship. 

    After his time was up and the lunch hour was up he was wheeled back into his cell and began to read again. He didn't care about the people passing by asking him what he'd been reading. He just brushed them off.  He picked up right where he left off and he started to notice his own name more and more. Kyungsoo was no longer directly writing to him, he was writing in a journal about him. He'd moved on, but then his name would appear again and Baekhyun knew that he was still on Kyungsoo's mind no matter what happened.

    He reached the last journal and he saw that Kyungsoo had told Minseok about him and that he'd left. Baekhyun felt anger start to bubble up in his chest and he wanted to go out and find him and drag him down to hell for causing Kyungsoo any sort of pain. But he couldn't. He was stuck in a wheel chair in the middle of his jail cell. And the further he read into the journal the anger dwindled down and guilt started to gnaw at him. 

    Tears brimmed his eyes for having been so stupid. Minseok hadn't hurt Kyungsoo … he had. He’d broken him to the point where everything after him hurt. There was no chance for Kyungsoo to ever  be happy. He’d taken everything from him. He’d taken his friends. He’d taken his family.He’d taken his life. He’d killed the love of his life. And he'd have to live with it until he died.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was my story for my Intro to Creative Writing course at university this quarter and I thought that I'd share it since now it's finished and I've edited at least once. I hope you like it and be sure to tell me what you think.


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